Secret : A Gallifreyan Fairy Tale
by Dr.Dalek
Summary: Theta is floating adrift while something rather disturbing is lurking in the dark. And Koschei never liked it when Theta was too complacent. And sometimes it's not just all water under the bridge but two Time Lords as well... Theta/Koschei fluff. Inspired by Panic! at the Disco's 'Don't threaten me with a good time'


He drew in a long breath, sucking in the invigorating air, the sweet scent of the abloom fields.  
Ah.  
Inner Peace.

Floating gently on the surface of Th'alijhii Kreshnaje, Theta felt more than perfectly satisfied, feeling at one with nature without having Koschei around to make suggestively tasteless comments about it.  
Never before had Theta felt more relaxed than now.  
He just lay there, spread-eagled, watching the setting sun with eyes half shut and enjoying the last tickling rays of light before sunset.

Theta had needed downtime. He'd spent weeks studying for his exams, or distracting himself with something equally exhausting.  
By the time the examination period had finally arrived Theta had already started counting the days until he'd have at least a week off.  
Right now there were still 12 more days to come before he could finally kick back and drown his liver in strong liquor mostly because he, like most students, believed in the preserving qualities of alcohol. He'd seen the wet specimen the Academy's staff members had collected over the centuries and therefore concluded that, after years of alcohol abuse, his internal organs losing their colour was the worst that could happen.

But right now he pushed the aggravating thoughts of doubt back into the deepest corners of his mind.  
He was free.  
He could relax.

At least until tomorrow morning because then he'd only have three days left to study for his chief medical officer exam (consisting of a half dead test subject, a blunt kitchen knife and several chopped off limbs, ranging in size and colour) and then he'd really panic.

Theta sighed quietly while squinting at the setting sun.  
He wasn't normally the type who'd cut classes. No, he was usually the idiot who'd attend every lesson and study in advance, and lend his notes to those who didn't turn up as regularly and fail nonetheless.  
But today he hadn't felt like listening to one of the taxidermy professor's lectures on inflations of the dura mater if handled carelessly.  
It wouldn't prepare him for his exam, either.  
Anyway, he'd dissected the odd spare rat from Koschei's breed and had learned more than one valuable lesson.  
Like: If you can't feel a rat's pulse it doesn't necessarily mean that it _has_ no pulse. Therefore you should play it safe and whack it against the table a few times before starting to dissect it.  
The reason why no one has ever performed a successful vivisection on a rat is that a rat's will of survival exceeds a simian's many times over. You may have started with a rat left for dead but finished with a bloody nose, several scratch marks and a rat that left.

And neither was he going to attend the nightly study trip to the Enchanted Forest of Win-Er-Wold, called the 'Do-Now-Tinsel', where they're to discover taintless nature of timeless beauty.  
Theta had to wonder why in any God's name he'd even signed up for a course called 'Fantastical Wildlife of Today' but in any case he'd expected it to be more interesting.  
And definitely less unicorny.

Sighing at the mere memory, Theta closed his eyes again as he was drifting slowly downstream.  
They _believed_ in fairy tales. They really did.  
Theta hadn't expected much but he definitely hadn't expected to be told about legendary figures and their place in today's society.  
They had talked of figments of their own imagination as if they really... existed.  
As if the Great Snake or Gorgons or Toclafanes were real!  
Theta had never believed in any of them (except maybe in the really dark nights when he was sure something was hiding under his bed; though it always turned out to be to worst of the creatures of the night- Koschei) and wasn't planning on doing so now.

Mind you, he'd heard quite fascinating, albeit quite disturbing, folklore.  
Take the Serpent Lady, for instance.  
The Serpent Lady is believed to resemble a giant serpent star, but with what looks like the body of a beautiful young woman pullulating at the core. So if said creature, a typical sea dweller, happens to float near the surface the 'Lady' will protrude from the water, attracting the creature's possibly passing prey. Many a young men, valiant enough to try and save the floating beauty, is believed to have fallen victim to this unscrupulous man-eater.

Though, and this puzzled Theta, after looking up the myth in one of the library's Lexica Bestiaria, he discovered that it hasn't once been hinted that the Serpent Lady is in fact feeding on flesh as it is most like to be a scavenger like any other serpent stars. Which lead Theta, like many a Fantastical-Wildlife-researcher before, to one critical question:  
What does the Serpent Lady _do_ with its prey?

Theta winced at the rays of sun bursting out of the clouding sky.

Theta had read all about it. And he really wished he hadn't.  
The fairy tale about the Serpent Lady was a disturbing one. Sometimes he wondered how someone who'd come up with neat stories like those of 'Mother Mongoose' or 'Three Blind Voles' could contrive something as disgusting and perverted as the Lady Serpent.

It was a typical fairytale for adults. Involving _lots_ of tentacles.

He shuddered, barely noticeable.  
Those fairytales remained a mystery to Theta.  
First of all: What kind of sick mind conceives such ideas? Who creates a character only to torture it in the cruellest ways imaginable?  
And, most importantly: Whom are they written for? Who could possibly find pleasure in other people's atrocious fantasies?

With the sunlight slowly dwindling and the water darkening by the minute Theta failed to notice the gloomy shadow looming beneath his body.  
And because he was completely lost in thought he merely gave a quiet yelp as the dark silhouette engulfed him and dragged him beneath the surface.

Theta barely struggled. Water forced its way into his lungs and his stinging eyes snapped open but failed to focus on the monstrosity that had got hold of him. He fainted, anyway, at the blurred vision of tentacles...

There was...  
Theta blinked.  
The distant sounds of waves lapping at the sandy shore.  
Inevitably he closed his eyes.  
His skin felt parched and itchy. Theta coughed up water while rolling onto his stomach.  
Something was still blocking his throat...

"Seaweed. And probably a small conch."

Theta's eyes swivelled upwards before crossing.  
While still struggling to dislodge the foul water he managed to grunt: "Kosch...tsch..."  
Koschei slapped his back.  
"It's alright, just shut up. And drink this."

Theta took the bottle with twitiching fingers, taking a sip reluctantly.  
He coughed again.  
"Better now?" Koschei asked, his smile contorting into the smirk Theta hated so much.  
"What is this?" Theta wheezed and spat.  
"What does it taste like?" Koschei said while pulling him upright.  
"Acid," replied Theta "and rotten pineapples."

Koschei snatched the bottle from his unresisting hands, sniffed it gingerly and took a swig.  
He shut his eyes and swallowed.  
"They weren't rotten," he protested, "anyway, it definitely perked you up."  
"What is _this_?" Theta repeated while struggling for air. He smacked his lips and swallowed; his throat felt like sandpaper.  
"An alcoholic beverage," explained Koschei snootily "I distilled it myself."  
"Hardly surprising," growled Theta.

And then the images flashed before his eyes. The disturbing visions of...  
"I saw her," Theta blurted out.  
"Whom?" asked Koschei, wiping his slightly sandy fingers on his clothes.  
"The Serpent Lady, there was one in the river and I saw it and it..." his voice trailed off.  
Koschei popped his head to one side and watched Theta in a rather feline way.

"This thing got hold of me and it lugged me into the water and it... I saw its tentacles and..."  
"But you don't _feel_ different, do you?" asked Koschei, unusually sweetly.  
"What do you mean by that?" Theta asked, his face still clouded by the nagging dread, lingering in the back of his mind. "I mean, I can hardly remember... I didn't felt..."  
"You don't _feel_ violated," Koschei cut him off in his matter-of-fact voice, "Curiously aroused perhaps but not abused, as such."

Theta gawped at Koschei. Koschei grasped his chin tenderly and shut his mouth before kissing his lips.  
"But there was..." Theta protested, feeling the embarrassing redness spreading on his cheeks.  
"Nothing," Koschei cut him off, "nothing unusual, anyway."  
"But the thing, the thing I saw..." Theta went on.  
"Seaweed and a lot of imagination," Koschei concluded.  
"But it grabbed me..." Theta ventured.  
"Well, I must admit that seeing you drifting there with your have-come-to-term-with-yourself expression of sereneness really got on my nerves," Koschei explained  
"Anyway, I didn't expect you to faint as soon as I had dragged you under the water," he added reproachfully.

"But you knew what I was thinking about, didn't you?" Theta complained, "You ere reading my thoughts again."  
Koschei shrugged.  
"And you did it anyway although you knew that I'd be scared to death since I had pondered over the Serpent Lady for days?" Theta yelled.  
"I didn't know it," Koschei replied.  
Theta cocked an eyebrow at him.  
Koschei rolled his eyes. "Alright", he conceded, "I strongly suspected it."

The scream of rage Theta had developed over the past years ('KOOOSCHEEEEIIIII!') rose in his throat but broke off as Theta coughed again.  
Koschei patted him on the back again. "Definitely a conch," he added to himself.

Theta folded his arms in front of his chest.  
"And what do you expect me to do now?" he growled.  
Unashamedly Koschei reached down and grabbed his twitching member. "Well, why don't we do something about _this_?"

Theta's fingers darted forward to push Koschei's hand aside but stopped in mid-motion as Koschei gave his private parts an experimental squeeze.  
"Let's face it, you can't deny that you got turned on by the mere thought of being abused under water and you're too week and weary to fight me off so why don't you try to make yourself comfortable on the sand while I take care of the pressing matters in hand?" Koschei couldn't help sniggering.

Before Theta could have protested Koschei sealed his lips with a kiss.  
"Excellent," he added as he finally broke free again.

Shortly thereafter they were rolling on the sand without their clothes on, skin on skin, chest against chest, crotch against haunch.  
Koschei grabbed Theta's shoulders roughly, struggling to dominate his resisting body beneath him.  
He buried his fingers in Theta's hair and pulled it towards his own body. He sniggered quietly as Theta's tender lips reached the tip of his cock.  
Theta squirmed.  
"Come on," Koschei panted and bit back a chuckle, "It's not as if it's your first time."  
"No but it's the first time that someone tries to extort a blowjob from me while I'm lying on top of a clam. Get off me!" Theta pushed back Koschei and scrambled to pull away from him.  
Koschei, eager to wrestle him down again, tripped before collapsing on top of Theta.

"You're an idiot," wheezed Koschei after looking over his shoulder, "You were lying on my bottle."  
"And you tried to take advantage of me and force me into giving you head," Theta growled.  
Koschei took another experimental swig from the bottle.  
"You really need to relax. You're too tight-lipped."  
This rather plump innuendo didn't escape Theta, who therefore retorted a death-glare.  
He locked on to Koschei's gaze.  
Then he snatched the bottle from Koschei drank the rest of it in one draught.

Koschei smirked, thereby hiding his amazement from Theta.  
"You really need to relieve stress," Koschei went on. His hands closed around Theta's back of the head.  
"Really?" Theta replied, already experiencing the warm dizziness you come to know as the best part of any overdose.  
"I guess it's really you who wants to relieve stress."

Having said that, while failing to notice that his words hadn't sounded as impressive as they had sounded inside of his head, Theta lunged at Koschei and forced him down onto the sand.  
His nails digging into the soft skin of Koschei's thighs, Theta buried his head in Koschei's lap, nipping and biting at the warm flesh beneath him.  
Koschei's hands lashed out as he tried to protect his privates but Theta was already getting down to business.  
Koschei hissed between gritted teeth as Theta took another challenging bite. He tried guiding his head as the tossed and turned some more on the wet sand.

Then there was a splash.

Followed by a loud gasp as Koschei surfaced again, dragging a rather tipsy Theta after him.  
Koschei spat and coughed, arms flailing as he pushed Theta towards the salvaging shore.

Still showing signs of intoxication, Theta was resting on the sand, watching Koschei with slow fascination as he struggled to get rid of their soaked clothes.  
Gingerly he reached for Koschei's chest, stroking it invitingly.

Koschei looked down, still engrossed in trying to untangle Theta's limp legs. He couldn't bite back a smirk as he finally got those beautiful legs resting on his shoulders.  
"You never told me you were catadromous," Koschei teased.  
"I'm not!" snapped Theta but started giggling as the penny finally dropped.

Pushing and whetting him over the sand, Koschei grabbed Theta's upper part of the body, enforcing his grip after every rough push.  
Theta held his breath; still enthralled by the distilled oblivion he was choking on his lustful moans, each of them stifled in his throat.  
Koschei penetrated him brutally, struggling to keep up the pace. Small beads of sweat were forming on his forehead, not even the fresh evening breeze that had sprung up managed to cool down the two ecstatic bodies.  
Finally a quiet gasp escaped Theta's inviting lips; and Koschei couldn't hold back anymore, collapsing under the pressure of pure lust and exaltation.  
Theta smiled at him distantly. Then he found his own release in Koschei's practised hands.

It was already dark as Theta came to his senses again. He stared wearily at the bottle in front of him, which, surprisingly, turned out to be full.  
"Sobering up again, are you?"  
Koschei's voice sounded a long way off.  
Theta, still as far away from sobriety that he'd have needed a very large sign to point him in the right direction managed to mutter a quiet 'yes' before falling forward.  
"Good," Koschei conceded and pulled his friend upright. He forced the neck of the bottle against his lips.  
Theta coughed, spat and wiped his face.  
"Don't tell me you've brought two bottles," he gurgled while sinking down into the sand.  
Koschei kept grinning while retrieving another bottle from the sand.  
Theta rolled his eyes, swaying slightly in Koschei's arms.  
"I think we've had enough," Theta pointed out.  
"Come on, just one more," Koschei teased.  
"One more sip?" Theta asked.  
"One more bottle," Koschei went on and pushed the dark glass of the bottleneck against Theta's lips.

And they drank until Theta was lying on his side and Koschei threw up into the quietly gurgling river.

Eventually they sat up, only to collapse against one another's shoulder. Their gazes slowly rose and they found themselves staring in fascination into the bright crimson elegance of the beautiful Aurora Duplex, the Gallifreyan sunrise.  
Theta's head was resting on Koschei's shoulder while Koschei cradled him in his arms.  
And when the sun came up Koschei said:

" _Now_ we've had enough."

 _"_ _Doctor? Did you hear what I said? Doctor!"_

 _The Doctor blinked, slowly awaking from his daydreams.  
"I'm sorry," he mumbled while scratching the back of his head, "Come again?"  
"I asked," Jack repeated, anger vibrating in his voice, "what's the point in carrying a starfish across the universe? I now it needs to be sent to its home planet, you told me a dozen times. But couldn't we just mail it or something?"  
The Doctor caught sight of the slightly bubbling jar in front of him. A tentacular creature was crawling around in it aimlessly.  
"Of course, the Andromeda Serpent Star," the Doctor muttered under his breath, "must have been all the tentacles."  
He gave Jack a sharp look: "Anyway it's not a starfish it's a serpent star, an alien one."  
"All starfish are aliens," Jack protested, "Everybody knows that who knows anything about aliens."_

 _"_ _Yes, but this particular one is from the Andromeda galaxy and we're escorting it back to its home planet."  
"All because of a fish?" Jack retorted lamely.  
"Starfish aren't fish and this is a serpent star! And hand me the plastic bag."  
Reluctantly Jack handed the frozen stellar shrimps to the Doctor.  
"What is it with you and starfish, anyway?" Jack asked and folded his arms.  
"I have sympathy for creatures of all sorts," The Doctor smiled at it while holding the jar up to his face. Even if the sea star had possessed eyes of any sorts he wouldn't have looked back right now.  
"Impressively clever organisms," the Doctor muttered, "considering that they have no central nervous system."_

 _"_ _But they can grow back limbs," Jack said before he went on musingly: "And they tend to glow. And they are believed to go through different life cycles..."  
"Yeah, fascinating, isn't it?" the Doctor cut him short while heating up the serpent star's food.  
"And you can hack off bits and they grow into life-size specimen over time," Jack added maliciously, "and they can regenerate quite easily..."  
"Alright," the Doctor groaned and tossed the stellar shrimps into the jar. The serpent star appeared to be eating in the same way as it did anything: with blobby apathy._

 _"_ _Any relations?" Jack asked. He couldn't bite back a smirk.  
"Look," the Doctor explained, "I don't want to bore you with the Time Lord's phylogeny. It's just that... Well, it's rather hard to explain. You're proud that you're an ape's descendant..."  
"But of course it's not the same with an ancestor with five arms and no brain," Jack added.  
The Doctor sniffed at him before turning his back on Jack. _

_The Doctor stared at the languid serpent star with strange fascination.  
As his smile broadened he was already nearing the shore where he and Koschei had spent so many drunken nights together.  
If only in his mind._


End file.
